How to Start Advocating for Your Child at Any Age or Stage

Whether your baby was born early or full-term, parenting is a constant process of discovery. Even now, six years after I gave birth to my daughter, I tell her, “Sweetie, you and mommy are both learning on the job.” Some children hit their milestones effortlessly. Others need a little (or a lot) of extra support along the way. What matters most isn’t where your child starts; it’s how you respond when they need someone in their corner. Whether you’re navigating challenges now or simply want to feel more confident supporting your child in the future, this blog is for you. Advocating for your child isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about being prepared to ask questions, trust your instincts, and show up in ways that will help your child flourish. Every Child’s Journey is Different One of the earliest lessons we learn as parents is that there is no “standard path” for childhood. Even siblings raised in the same home can grow, learn, and communicate in completely different ways. While it’s true that there are important developmental milestones children work toward, how and when they reach them can vary quite a bit. Because of that, comparison isn’t always a helpful tool for understanding what our child needs. What’s typical for one child might be completely different for another. One child might be able to grasp small toys and feed themselves with a spoon, while another needs more time to build those fine motor skills. One child might love noisy environments, while another becomes overwhelmed. None of these are right or wrong; they’re just differences. The key is to focus on your child’s unique needs. If you notice your child doesn’t move, communicate, sleep, or respond to new situations the way you expect, you can bring those observations forward and ask questions to better understand what’s going on. You don’t need to wait for a major concern to speak up. Reaching out early (even just to check in or ask a small question) can give you clarity and help build your confidence as your child’s advocate. Advocacy Begins With a Mindset To advocate for our children, we first have to shift the way we think about development. There is no moral value attached to a delay, a behavior, or a difference. Nothing your child does or doesn’t do yet makes them “good” or “bad.” I say this because the moment we label something as wrong or shameful, it becomes incredibly tempting to overthink it… or worse–ignore it altogether. Approaching differences with curiosity allows us to stay open instead of fearful. What I see so often is parents keeping their heads in the sand, not because they don’t care, but because they’re terrified of what a diagnosis might mean. They hope things will smooth out on their own or that their child will “grow out of it.” But challenges rarely disappear without support. Avoiding them only allows them to grow in the background. Personally, I was never a fan of the “wait and see” approach, both in the NICU and the years since. My husband and I decided early on that we would face concerns head-on with openness and a desire to understand. When we noticed our daughter’s energy levels, emotional regulation, and attention span weren’t like those of her peers, we sought out an evaluation to better understand what she needed. That process led us to place her in a supported school. Because she’s in an environment where she is understood, supported, and safe, she gets on the bus with the biggest smile every day. That confidence didn’t happen by chance. It happened because we met her where she was instead of where we hoped she’d be. I recognize that not every family has access to the resources we’ve been fortunate to find. That’s why it’s so important for parents to understand that challenges don’t disappear on their own. They require strategies, support, and time. There’s nothing wrong with a different developmental path, but as parents, it’s our job to help our kids build the skills they need to thrive in the world. Signs It May Be Time to Advocate Here’s where awareness becomes especially helpful. While development naturally varies from child to child, some patterns stand out as important indicators in early childhood. These are the kinds of signs pediatricians and developmental specialists encourage parents to pay attention to. The examples below are widely accepted developmental red flags informed by guidance from Play Therapy South Carolina and the Sturge-Weber Foundation: Significant delays in communication or language: such as not babbling or using gestures by around 12 months, not saying simple words (like “mama” or “dada”) by 18 months, or not combining words into simple phrases (like “more juice”) by age 2. Gross or fine motor delays: for example, difficulty rolling over or holding up head by 6 months; not sitting, crawling, or pulling to stand by 9–12 months; or delays in walking or struggles with hand coordination (like holding small objects) by 18 months. Social-emotional or behavioral differences: including limited eye contact, difficulty engaging in social games (like peek-a-boo), trouble with emotional regulation, or consistent patterns of being easily overwhelmed or overstimulated by environments. Persistent difficulties with attention, focus, regulation, or sensory processing: such as being unusually distractible, overly sensitive to sounds/textures, or having trouble calming down even in familiar or calm settings. A mismatch between expected milestones and actual progress: when a child consistently lags behind typical milestone expectations for their age across multiple domains (motor, speech, social, cognitive), even accounting for normal variation. Where to Begin Advocating for Your Child If you found yourself recognizing the signs above, your next question is probably: Where do I start? The good news is that you don’t need to have everything figured out to take the first step. Start by talking to someone on your child’s care team–your pediatrician, a therapist, an Early Intervention service coordinator, or even a NICU follow-up clinic provider. You don’t need a polished explanation or perfect language. You can simply say, “Here’s what I’ve been seeing, and I’m not sure what to make of it.” From there, a professional can guide you toward next steps: an evaluation, a screening, or simply reassurance and monitoring. One step at a time, you can start making informed decisions about how to best support your child. Another part of advocating for your child is paying attention to what feels hard for them and what helps them. What soothes them when they’re overstimulated? What routines support them best? What are the kinds of situations that consistently throw them off? The more you understand how your child moves through the world, the easier it becomes to speak up on their behalf. And as your child grows, advocacy may also include working with schools, specialists, or support services. Many preemie parents find themselves navigating things like early intervention, sensory supports, or eventually IEPs and specialized classrooms. Examples of Advocacy in Action Among all the preemie parenting tips I could share, this one matters most: don’t be afraid to advocate relentlessly. When it came to preschool for my daughter, I knew she needed a smaller and more supported environment–somewhere where the staff would understand her needs and help her grow. We also had to determine where she could get her EI and later CPSE mandate filled without adding more hours to her day. After months of researching, posting in Facebook groups, and relying on our specialists, we finally found a school that felt like the right fit. But then came the next challenge: how do we get her in? That’s where advocacy came into play. I distinctly remember calling and emailing the director of the school almost daily, asking questions like, “Did you get her IEP?” and “Did you get her evaluations for CPSE?” with very little or no response. Finally, we got an email about scheduling a tour. At that point, I knew we’d be getting a spot. When I met with the director, I apologized for my relentless emails and phone calls. She told me, “I am so glad you did. There are so many in need, but very few spots. Those who are on top of my radar are the ones that generally get in.” No one was going to reach out to us if I wasn’t doing the heavy lifting. Advocating for your child often looks like being the one who keeps showing up, even if it seems like nothing is happening. Once we got in, I then had to convince my husband that it truly was the right choice. He understood what our daughter needed, but that didn’t automatically mean he was ready to see her on a different educational path. This is what I mean when I say sometimes, as parents, we have to get out of our own heads. He had to release the idea of what her journey should look like and embrace what would actually support her most. I told him this school was a blessing in disguise. Not only would it make life easier for us, but it would give our daughter exactly what she needed to flourish. Fast-forward a few years (and another round of applications for elementary school), and Jenna is thriving. She loves going to class, feels supported, has made friends, and is learning strategies to navigate her challenges. We are so lucky! But sometimes I feel I should pat myself on the back, too. Trust me: no one starts this journey knowing exactly what to do. Confidence comes with experience, and you find your footing as you go. You got this, mama. Written by: Jodi Klaristenfeld, Founder, FLRRiSH (flrrish.com) the premier resource for preemie parents.